My brother, Troy, is the biggest alcoholic I know. Never liked him, never will. I remember needing to go through his room to get to mine so that my step dad wouldn’t see that I was outside a half an hour after my curfew, but my brother wouldn’t let me through. Ok, maybe that was a 50/50 moment. But I also remember when my car broke down in a town that was 30 minutes away from my house, where he lives as well. He happened to be in the same exact town at the same time as me. I didn’t want to bother anyone else with this and knew that he was near so I called him asking him for help. His response? “I just got to the bar and I’m not about to leave.” I think this is when I knew I couldn’t count on him for anything. He’s so unreliable, cheap, etc. that my family has running jokes about him. One of my favourite is that my other brothers would give you the shirt off of their backs but Troy would sell you his. This ingrate would not piss on fire to put you out if it doesn’t benefit him.
I forgot that this was all leading up to a story so before I get too carried away let me get to the story.
So the other night my brother, not the alcoholic one, called me saying that Troy was texting him about my girlfriend. He said that he couldn’t really understand what he was saying because of all the grammatical errors but that it didn’t sound good. I told my girlfriend about this and she wanted to talk to Troy. I gave her my phone to text him and she did. His man-wife, Lei, came to our window and summoned us to the front yard(we live in the back). Since this situation was bothering us we happily obliged. She stopped us when we got to the fence that splits our yards and she told us to stay there. Troy walked to us and started to speak, each word getting louder and louder. He was talking to my girlfriend about how he doesn’t like when she disciplines his kids when they’re at our house, OUR HOUSE. My girlfriend calmly asked him how she could have yelled at them when she hasn’t seen them in days. Troy walked right up to her, as if to plant a firm kiss on her(no way brother, get your own!), and looked at his wife. He told my love that he hates her with everything, with a fucking passion. He then screamed, “Get this fucking cunt out of my face or I’m going to fucking slap her!” His daughter was in the background saying that she’ll slap her. If I didn’t feel the need to protect my girlfriend his daughter would be eating her food through IV tubes.
But back to my abusive, alcoholic, woman beating brother.
I have no idea why he was so hostile but I stepped between him and my girlfriend, literally, and told him I was going to call the cops if he slapped her. This is where it starts to get hilarious. He backs up and with a surprised look on his face he says, “Really? You would do that? Why would you do that? I would never do that to you.” Well, brother, before that night I would never put my hands on that transvestite that you willingly chose to spend the rest of your life with.
As the conversation continues my girlfriend and I realize that it’s not going anywhere. While I’m talking to Troy Veve is talking to Lei and it’s just them raising their voices with words that do not make sense. But we decide to stay there and let them speak. I can tell that Troy doesn’t like the fact that I haven’t raised my voice at all or showed any type of weakness, so I continue to kill him with kindness. On the side of me I hear my girlfriend yell and I see that my transgendered sister-brother-in-law was taken aback by this. [S]he backs up to continue the conversation from a more reasonable distance. I now know that my girlfriend can hold her own so I turn my attention back to Troy.
Somewhere in the conversation Troy says that he was sitting waiting to pounce like a tiger. Ok, guy. Ok. This makes me listen a little more intently. He continues on to say that he was going to walk in the back(to the back house where my girlfriend and I live), drag my girlfriend out of the house and take her on the street because then it’s legal. Yes, you heard it right. Beating a woman, or anyone, in the middle of a street is completely legal according to Troy The Belligerent Alcoholic. But that’s beside the point. When Troy says this my girlfriend asks, “You were going to hit me?” Troy responds by saying he was going to have them(his daughter, his step daughter and his daughter’s girlfriend with male genitalia) do it. My girlfriend laughs which was not the response Troy and his butch of a life mate was expecting. At this point we really knew that no good was going to come of speaking with them so after a few more exchanged words my girlfriend and I walked back to our house.
I needed to calm myself down because I was shaking from all of this so I called my sister, Mona. Her voice was so calming that my heart slowed down and I felt normal again. Soon after my brother Travis calls me and asks how it went. I fill him in and he tells me to file a police report. This was the only thing that made sense that night. I convinced my girlfriend to file a police report against the alcoholic and his loose daughter. To get our word in uninterrupted we met an officer at a nearby grocery store, away from everyone else. The report was filed and the officer headed off to our house to speak to all of the ingrates. There’s always two sides to a story so I get it. When we get there I see my crusty-footed step niece and my bum of a niece standing in the driveway, our parking spot. The morons moved and we parked. I was already on the phone with my brother Travis telling him how things went. When my girlfriend and I stepped out of the car Travis asks me if I feel better at the same exact time my muffin-topped step niece asks if we feel safe now. That was unnecessary on her part but whatever. I said “Much!” not even knowing that my parasitic step niece asked anything(my girlfriend told me she did) but it seemed to be perfect timing.
Now it’s 3 or 4 days later and it turns out all of their barks were worse than their bites. My cancerous niece and her little bitch lives in the same house as my girlfriend and I and we hardly see them. They leave little markers like dogs to let us know that they’re here though, like dropping all of my dad’s toiletries in the tub(they thought it was ours). I heard that they also went to my dad, the owner of the houses that we all live in, to let him know what had happened. I was a little worried that he would side with that bitch but apparently I have nothing to worry about. Turns out he knows she’s a lying little cunt and all she does (with her good for nothing ass pirate) is bum off of everyone.
At the end of our little blowout with Troy and his husband Troy had the audacity to ask me if we would get past all of this. I quickly realized that it was not blood that made a family, but the bond you share with people. We will never recover from this and my life is much better for it.