My Enlarged Heart

November 8, 2019
Senseless Throwback Series

Originally Posted: July 1st, 2008

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow. I’m going in for a physical and getting my heart examined. I had no idea smoking some of the things that I smoke would cause my heart to grow, permanently.

I had no idea that’s how my dad died…

Another doctor told me that I’ll probably die by the time that I’m thirty, if I’m lucky. If he told me this a year or so ago, I wouldn’t have cared, but now I’m scared. I wish I could go back in time and tell that crackhead girl that I had no money to support her habit and it was something that I didn’t want to get into to.

I wish I could go back in time and do a lot of things differently.

Anyway, I guess my heart is three times the size as it should be and the veins are squeezed tightly. The only time they’ll release is when I die. The scary thing about that is, it can release anytime and I wouldn’t know blood is coming out of my mouth, nose, eyes, etc. I’ll grip my heart, fall over and die.

Why the hell did I smoke?

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